Who am I going to Vote for?
A lot of debate has centred around the three leaders, however I am more interested in who is my local candidate. I have had all the leaflets through the door but the only candidate I was in to meet was the Conservative fella – He asked me if I was going to vote for him, I said probably not and he immediately left, hardly leaving me with the impression that he had a lot of fight in him. So I opened my door again and shouted “piss of baldy”. He ignored me. And therefore I will ignore him.
I also have George ‘The Cat’ Galloway on my ballot paper. He beat Oonah King in the last election to be MP for my neighbouring constituency but has moved over to ‘do us’ this election. How funny it is that a man who called his party Respect has absolutely none of it… He keeps going by my flat on his open top bus. I have a box of eggs by the window and so far I have managed a couple of quite near misses… I have been practicing on other vehicles going by and next time I hear the prick and his megaphone his baldy head is going to be yolked for sure!
At this point I want to tell you about something that happened to my friend Gavin. He had been out drinking and after getting completely and utterly hammered, sometime in the early hours of the morning he came too in his friends kitchen. He wasn’t sure how he had got there or why he was completely naked. He looked down at his foot and there was a bit of poo on it, there was another bit of poo on the kitchen floor and one in the kitchen doorway. He followed the trail and went through the kitchen to find a large pile of poo in the middle of the hall. And So he did what any right thinking man would do. He rang the BBC. He told them: there is poo all over my friends house, what are you going to do about it? They had the audacity to claim that it had nothing to do with the BBC. He has not paid his license fee ever since. Does this answer your question??
UPDATE: A nice young man called Luigi just knocked on my door and asked me if I would be voting Labour. He was 20 years old and yet nearly as bald as me. It seems that this politics mallarky is a stressful occupation and it may be difficult for me to find a hirsute candidate to put my X next to. (It would be rather ironic if the only candidate with hair was BNP – I would get cross next to him but not put a cross next to him). Luigi tried to tell me that Labour are the party for Education however, despite doing a degree in politics, he had never heard of Screaming Lord Sutch, I told him that his ignorance displayed a Labour based flaw in the nations education curriculum and I might have to keep looking elsewhere.
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