Killer Bitch: The Premier – Or how I took on the mob and survived
On April 29th I was Compère at the premier of Killer Bitch at The Curzon Cinema:
“Before we begin Liam the director of the film has asked me to do a few notices:
Please keep an eye on your possessions as Thieves and Pickpockets have been known to operate in this area.” I hear a few titters and groans from people who have anticipated where I am going and I continue:
Most notably:-
• Dave Courtney
• Roy Shaw
• Lenny Hamilton
• And Freddie Foreman
I get some cheers of approval as I read out each name and Dave Courtney calls me a Cheeky C**t.
Sunday Sport Review:
“It was a brave man to stand up in front of an A-list of the UK’s celebrity gangsters, assorted fighters, convicted football hooligans and the notorious Outlaw Motorcycle club at the premier of schlock Gangster film Killer Bitch.. To then proceed to ’slag’ off this scary audience was surely suicidal? … Compère Bob Slayer’s introduction scored top marks for sheer audacity. He picked his targets well and delivered cutting lines with such innocent cheeky charm that he had the likes of Dave Courtney (Gangster turned author) and Stormin’ Norman Buckland (the new Guv’nor of unlicensed British boxing) declaring afterwards that he was indeed a ‘right funny c**t’…”
I followed my introduction with an easy pop at Cage Fighter Alex Reid who filmed half his scenes as star of the film and then refused to continue after hooking up with big titted Katie Price aka Jordan.
“Katie has sent a not saying Alex is not allowed out to play until he has tidied his bedroom.”
There is no love for the man in this room and from there on I can get stuck in…
Stormin’ Norman Buckland (pictured) is sat in the front row, he is a beast of a man. Former UK bare knuckle boxing champion and now the new Guv’nor of unlicensed boxing. A fact that he is keen to shout at every opportunity: “Who’s the Guv’nor? I’m the fucking Guv’nor!”. He destroys people in the ring and he is sat a few feet in front of me. “So Mr Stormin’ Norman” I ask, “You are quite a modest fellow and you have never really made it clear, are you the Guv’nor or not?” He jumps to his feet, the veins stick out on his neck and he roars his catchphrase around the cinema. I mock writing on my clipboard as I say “Inconclusive”.
I met a lady called Linda Calvey aka The Black Widow, who the daily mail described as “a notorious gangster’s moll and every man who’s fallen for her has ended up dead or in jail”. Reggie Kray once proposed to her. She served 28 years in prison for her husband murdering ways, while inside she became Myra Hindley’s hairdresser. On release she married a man that she met on day release. Prior to the film, when I am telling people in the bar that the cinema is now open, I make her jump and I think that she gives me a look that says she wants me dead and she doesn’t even need to marry me first.
“Call yourself hard” I tell the Killer Bitch audience “You are all pussies compared to the man who married the Black Widow.” Afterwards in the Vendome club she gives me a hug, tells her husband to buy me a drink and introduces me to her daughter. She is a lovely lady… Mitch Pyle, son of the late London godfather Joe Pyle, asks why I hadn’t slagged them off and I offer to do him there and then. I wonder how many of the big fat hands that I shake have actually killed people, and what is the overall body count?
So don’t ever heckle me. I have taken on some of the hardest men and women in England and survived. I am connected! I know people who could make you dead!
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