Gary the Goat gets banned from Roxby Downs

If Coober Pedy is the wild west of the mining outback then Roxby Downs is the corporate core. A town built to house the miners of what is set to become the largest mine in the world. Extremely well paid employees are pulling copper, gold and Uranium out of the ground in vast quantities. Instead of beat up trucks and utility vehicles Roxby streets are lined with 4×4’s that have never seen anything other than tarmac. The streets are lined with green and manicured grass and there is not a real local in site.

The first impressions of Roxby Downs are of an oasis in the desert. But what will we find when we mine beneath the surface? Stepford Wives?

We go into the smart environs of Roxby Downs Community Club and I am pleasantly surprised when they are happy to put on a gig the following night. They initially have concerns about being able to drum up a crowd, but the presence of Gary the goat swings it. We have a feed and then after seeing how expensive the motel is we decide to sleep rough on the football oval. I doubt they would be very happy with Gary anyway. In the morning we are woken by the sprinklers and then before we can have a shower we are moved on by the parkies. 

We go for a swim in the outdoor swimming pool at the community leisure centre but then staff change their mind about Gary because someone has complained. If they had thrown us out because Jimbo and I had turned their pool cloudy then I would understand. But Gary was happily chewing grass and being patted by the local kids while we had a swim. The nice staff at the pool tell us that the complaint comes from a lady with a dog. It seems that if her little poodles isn’t allowed into the pool area then why should a goat be? Well little vegetarian goat droppings are very different to dog shit. People are odd complaining about someone else’s happiness. When we take Gary out of the pool area a little girl cries because she wanted to pat Gary some more. Do you see what you have done Avril Luke? You made a little girl cry! Are you happy now?

We decide to go for breakfast before doing some promotion. The cafe is next to the school and Gary somehow gets into a classroom. Woops! There follows a heated lecture from the principal who tells us that Gary is a danger to the children. While she is telling us this a dozen toddlers who are now leaving morning playgroup are taking it in turns to pat Gary. A council lady turns up, she is nice but says we have to take Gary to the park. We explain that we have already been thrown out of there. We take Gary away and more children cry. Two of the mothers get angry with the principal. We are causing a bit of a scene. 

In the middle of all this commotion the kinder garden teacher tells us that her husband Julian runs the local radio station and would like to interview Gary which we do. As we leave the radio two girls turn up from the Roxby Downs Monitor and we give them an exclusive on the Gary situation. When they leave a man from the Roxby Downs Sun turns up and we give him an exclusive as well!

By late morning we are running out of options for Gary and with all the promotion having all come to us we decide that we should go visit Annamouka for lunch in order to avoid media overexposure and being banned from Roxby! 40k away we find a Coober Pedy syle prospectors town, here their only concern about Gary is if they will eat him for lunch or dinner, in the meantime they are happy for him to run around where he likes. 

We return to Roxby Downs for the gig and our gorilla promotions seem to have worked as over 100 paying punters turn up to see just who are these people with the goat. We have a great show and a good old knees up afterwards.

We now have more than enough money to afford the Roxby Downs motel but we drive to xxxx and sleep on their football oval. This time it is by choice! We had a blast in Roxby but I think 48 hours is enough for us!

Subject: Goat allowed in to pool grounds on 16/2/2012

Dear Rosby (sic) Downs Municipal Council

ATTENTION: Bill Boehm,

I wish to bring to your attention a matter that concerned me,

This morning at 8:15 a pool patron was allowed to enter the pool grounds with a goat. The pool patron tied up the goat and went for a swim. Over the next 20 minutes I saw about 7 staff members coming in to the grounds to have a look at the goat, one even proceeded to take a photograph. This matter is of great concern to me for hygiene reasons, after all I would have thought it was an animal free zone. I believe the young life saver (LIZ) was put in akward position and it caused her unnecessary grief. Other pool goers were upset and talking with her about it and others thought it was a joke. I believe it should have been stopped at the kiosk. 

My contact number is 86710090 

Avril Luke
Who apparently is an “Ex wild child who found god” she also seems to have got bees in her knickers…

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