OCTOBER 24TH, 2009
By BOBSLAYER
Having toured with bands for a number of years I get many requests for access backstage but I rarely oblige, this is not because I am a nasty bastard, it is because I don’t want to ruin their fantasy. It would come as a large disappointment to most gig goers to find out that what goes on behind the scenes is often really rather dull. Of course sex, drugs and booze does go on behind the rock and roll scenes but the reality is that this consumption is a necessity in order to deal with the boredom and repetition of touring: Long drives followed by unloading, setting up, bashing on instruments repeatedly for ages to check that the mics will pick up the sound correctly, then waiting around for the gig. A flurry of activity that is the gig and then pack all the stuff up again, carry it out to the van and set off to the next venue to do it all again…
Last night Electric Eel Shock were the headlining band on the Bizarre Ball and the night proved to be one of the beautiful exceptions. It reminded that it is possible for backstage to be a wonderful exciting place… Read more »
APRIL 22ND, 2009
By BOBSLAYER
Bob Slayer’s Debauchery in Disneyland (Published In The Fix Mag)
Harry knows that I tour around the world with Japanese rock band Electric Eel Shock and so he set me the task of listing my top 5 most debauched after shows but, like the sixties, if you remember them then you were not really there! So instead here are 5 chronological debauched happenings at one randomly selected gig:
The Bloodhound Gang at The House of Blues in Disneyland, LA.
1. Mickey Mouse Police: Security stopped us on the way into Disneyland and turned the Tour Bus and Truck upside down looking for drugs. Of course there were lots of drugs on board, but they were well out of the reach of sniffer dogs, gaffer taped to the roof! Read more »
MARCH 10TH, 2009
By BOBSLAYER
I am Bob Slayer – I used to be a Jockey – Then I broke my back – And got fat
I now tour all over the world with Rock Bands such as Electric Eel Shock
I promote and host: Comedy @ Doggett’s on the Southbank
FEBRUARY 27TH, 2009
By BOBSLAYER
LESBIANS
Last night on my way back from a gig at Monkey Business I met two drunken Slovakian lesbians at Bank tube station – They were trying to get back to their hotel in Borough but it being London no one would help them… well it could also be something to do with the fact that one of them was was barking like a dog and snarling at anyone who got near to them… which was a little off putting for most potential providers of assistance… But not for Bob Slayer Read more »
FEBRUARY 22ND, 2009
By BOBSLAYER
Today I was pontificating upon why we find certain words offensive… Take for example the unmentionable swear… If you delve into the origins of the C Word you will find that it’s utterance has not always had such a Taboo attached to it…
It is thought that the C word derives from the old Norse Kunta and the Latin cunnus – meaning both mysterious and wedge – hardly an offensive origin is it? Whereas the more accepted term: Vagina derives from the Latin for ‘Gaping wound’. Or literally a place to sheath one’s sword…
In olde English the word was as inoffensive as say “Front Bottom” or the beautifully phrased “lady garden” Read more »
FEBRUARY 20TH, 2009
By BOBSLAYER
The Bride – Bob Slayer
Roughly ten years ago I did my first open-mic comedy gig in my then local pub on Haven Lane in Ealing (for those that are familiar with Ealing, or are of a pedantry nature, I am afraid that I do not recall the name of the pub, but it was the one that didn’t do lock-ins). On the same bill that night was a then newish comic with glasses and a stutter… he was so amazingly good and left such an impression upon me that whilst chatting with him at the bar after the gig I decided ‘what is the fucking point…’ and didn’t do another gig for 9 years. The comic was Daniel Kitson, who at the time had yet to win the Perrier Award and I believe was just making the transfer from open mics to paid gigs.
So I didn’t become a comic and I continued with my job of tour managing rock bands… Now this often involves having to pop onto the stage in order to make the odd announcement. After I fleetingly lost my comedy virginity I increasingly found reasons to get on stage and share with the audience some such ‘important’ piece of information about the evening. After a while I began to announce the acts while I was up there and before long I was regularly acting as MC for gigs all around the world. Read more »
MARCH 17TH, 2008
By BOBSLAYER
Last night I watched a film about Cowboys who do it in a tent – I then went to a bar near my house (Bar 54 Mile End) to meet a man called Jesse… I was totally sober which was an odd feeling going to a bar at midnight…
The huge bouncer said he had to search me… as he patted me down / fondled me I said: “be careful as I have just watched Brokeback Mountain and I am feeling a little confused…” He didn’t find it very funny, got all gruff and assured me and my friend that he wasn’t one of those types…
After Jesse pointed out that it was a rather brave / silly thing to say to a man the size of a truck we got to the door and descovered that it was £10 to get in – you must be joking! Read more »
JANUARY 13TH, 2008
By BOBSLAYER
I met Noel Fielding the other day – he has very soft lady hands…
It’s quite disconcerting when you meet someone and just by shaking their hand you immediately imagine them wanking you off. My first reaction on this Onanistic thought entering my head my head was one of happy bliss… and as I am not a very good poker player it surely showed on my face… This was immediately followed by a face of fear caused by the realisation that I might indeed be gay and I am ashamed to say that I recoiled from Noel… Consequently he ran away…
But I still have the memory of his lilly soft hands x
