FEBRUARY 27TH, 2009
By BOBSLAYER
LESBIANS
Last night on my way back from a gig at Monkey Business I met two drunken Slovakian lesbians at Bank tube station – They were trying to get back to their hotel in Borough but it being London no one would help them… well it could also be something to do with the fact that one of them was was barking like a dog and snarling at anyone who got near to them… which was a little off putting for most potential providers of assistance… But not for Bob Slayer Read more »
FEBRUARY 22ND, 2009
By BOBSLAYER
Today I was pontificating upon why we find certain words offensive… Take for example the unmentionable swear… If you delve into the origins of the C Word you will find that it’s utterance has not always had such a Taboo attached to it…
It is thought that the C word derives from the old Norse Kunta and the Latin cunnus – meaning both mysterious and wedge – hardly an offensive origin is it? Whereas the more accepted term: Vagina derives from the Latin for ‘Gaping wound’. Or literally a place to sheath one’s sword…
In olde English the word was as inoffensive as say “Front Bottom” or the beautifully phrased “lady garden” Read more »
FEBRUARY 20TH, 2009
By BOBSLAYER
The Bride – Bob Slayer
Roughly ten years ago I did my first open-mic comedy gig in my then local pub on Haven Lane in Ealing (for those that are familiar with Ealing, or are of a pedantry nature, I am afraid that I do not recall the name of the pub, but it was the one that didn’t do lock-ins). On the same bill that night was a then newish comic with glasses and a stutter… he was so amazingly good and left such an impression upon me that whilst chatting with him at the bar after the gig I decided ‘what is the fucking point…’ and didn’t do another gig for 9 years. The comic was Daniel Kitson, who at the time had yet to win the Perrier Award and I believe was just making the transfer from open mics to paid gigs.
So I didn’t become a comic and I continued with my job of tour managing rock bands… Now this often involves having to pop onto the stage in order to make the odd announcement. After I fleetingly lost my comedy virginity I increasingly found reasons to get on stage and share with the audience some such ‘important’ piece of information about the evening. After a while I began to announce the acts while I was up there and before long I was regularly acting as MC for gigs all around the world. Read more »
JULY 29TH, 2008
By BOBSLAYER
MAY 12TH, 2008
By BOBSLAYER
MARCH 17TH, 2008
By BOBSLAYER
Last night I watched a film about Cowboys who do it in a tent – I then went to a bar near my house (Bar 54 Mile End) to meet a man called Jesse… I was totally sober which was an odd feeling going to a bar at midnight…
The huge bouncer said he had to search me… as he patted me down / fondled me I said: “be careful as I have just watched Brokeback Mountain and I am feeling a little confused…” He didn’t find it very funny, got all gruff and assured me and my friend that he wasn’t one of those types…
After Jesse pointed out that it was a rather brave / silly thing to say to a man the size of a truck we got to the door and descovered that it was £10 to get in – you must be joking! Read more »
JANUARY 13TH, 2008
By BOBSLAYER
I met Noel Fielding the other day – he has very soft lady hands…
It’s quite disconcerting when you meet someone and just by shaking their hand you immediately imagine them wanking you off. My first reaction on this Onanistic thought entering my head my head was one of happy bliss… and as I am not a very good poker player it surely showed on my face… This was immediately followed by a face of fear caused by the realisation that I might indeed be gay and I am ashamed to say that I recoiled from Noel… Consequently he ran away…
But I still have the memory of his lilly soft hands x
DECEMBER 6TH, 2007
By BOBSLAYER
Bob Slayer stars in the Total Rock Christmas panto alongside Bruce Dickinson & Ronnie James Dio!
