How 2 Bully a Welshman @ Edinburgh Fringe (Part 3)

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Guff of the day

I find that by never reading a newspaper or consuming news in any form at all then I can be sure that all my opinions are always my own – admittedly they are ill informed and ignorant – but they are my own

When it comes to discussions about football it seems that women are almost always ‘off side’, and yet they can never seem to work out why…

I have always found the whole idea of the Geneva convention very odd… when men are killing each other it seems bizarre to have a set of rules that guide the process and turn it into a game… should killing someone nicely win more points than killing someone in a more painful way? And war crimes? Surely the the whole losing side are guilty of these? And quite probably the winning side too?

How 2 Make Money @ Edinburgh Fringe (Part 2)

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How 2 Drink R&R Style @ Edinburgh Fringe (Part 1)

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Musical Comedy

The only funny musical comedy I have ever seen:-
The performer walked out onto the stage with a guitar and a trumpet, both in their cases. He carefully laid both of these down on the stage, opened them and took out the instruments… He lifted the guitar into the air, cleared his throat and proceeded to smash the guitar over the head of a man in the front row. As he did this he simultaneously curled a great big Mr Whippy shit into the horn of the shiny brass trumpet… When he had finished his production, he handed the trumpet to the man with the now dented head, bowed deeply and left the stage.
He was given a standing ovation – and I think we all know why x

Is it Ninky Nonk examination time?

I have just discovered that ladies need to get their lady gardens examined on a regular basis. I don’t really know why but I am told it is standard procedure. Does this also apply for men and I didn’t get the memo? The last time the medical profession examined my extra digit was when I was kicked in the bollocks by a policeman in 1995… On realising it was a case of mistaken identity the officer took me to the hospital to have the jewels examined. When we got there it was a lady doctor. I got all embarrassed. She told me that I should take it seriously and advised me to go behind the screen, have a look and if there was any bruising or lumps she should also examine them. I did as I was told and got my tackle in my hand. I looked at it and it looked fine, in fact it looked mighty fine – I decided that she really should come and take a butchers at it. As she popped her head around the screen I went up like a crocus in spring. To which she replied: “Well Mr B it seems that there is no lasting damage there…”. Unfortunately our relationship did not develop further.

Bob SLayer – Am I Gay? (@ Staines Massive)

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Bob Slayer – What a Celt! (@ Staines Massive)

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Dr Brown is Magical

HE IS NOT AFRAID OF STARING DEATH IN THE FACE!
It’s not easy being a reviewer, the majority of whom get into it because they are passionate about the subject they are reviewing, like to see creativity and as a writer have a level of creativity themselves… So it must be galling that so many creative people who get bad reviews (deservedly or not) naturally then decide that they dislike the reviewer that wrote it… I have had three scathing reviews from Steve Bennett (The latest review was for my Rock & Roll Circus tour at Reading Highlight. (chortle.co.uk/ the review)) and yet I have come to like the man… Mr Steve prefers tightly crafted and scripted comedy over the improvised and loose, and so does not always react positively to the acts that make me laugh the most, however his appearance at this gig in Reading made me realise that as much as he perhaps doesn’t understand some acts there is obviously more to understand about him. Read more »

Kunt and The Gang gave me my biggest Christmas Present…

Sweary top of the pops is a hit for independent comedy!
In 2009’s Christmas Singles Chart, off the back of a huge facebook campaign, Rage Against The Machine caused one of the biggest shocks in UK chart history when they stopped X Factor from having their 5th consecutive Christmas no 1. Sadly this Christmas X Factor were back on top… So the alternative has lost? Well the thing about the alternative is that it doesn’t need to win in order to make a difference and the most interesting and significant hit in the Xmas charts actually fell just outside the top 40.

Kunt and the Gang’s fans got behind “Use My Arsehole as a Cunt” and helped it to reach No 66 in the main singles chart (and No 8 in the independent chart), a feat that is all the more remarkable by the fact that he has no record label, no budget and received practically no press or radio. Read more »