COMEDIAN – PROMOTER – TOUR MANAGER – IDIOT

The Fringe is The Real Pay To Play Scandal in Comedy

(Originally posted on Chortle.co.uk)
The Funny Women Pay to Play issue has reared its head again. It doesn’t really effect me too much as I am neither funny (according to reviews from Steve Bennett of Chortle.co.uk) or a woman (also according to Bennett). However I do wonder if the entire Fringe Festival industry winces a little when they see this hit the news? They surely must be concerned that their much larger Pay To Play scheme is going to be exposed next.

PAY TO PLAY FRINGE = ARTIST DEBT & HIGH TICKET PRICES
Most punters just don’t realise that the hundreds of posters and billboards plastered all over Edinburgh in Aug are paid for by the acts themselves. On top of this venues charge performers rent or daily guarantees and supposedly ‘essential’ marketing fees and expenses in order to perform. It is these often prohibitive ‘Pay to Play’ costs that put many acts in debt and also leads directly to the ridiculously high ticket prices at the Fringe.

My main problem with the current Pay to Play Fringe is not so much that it exists, there will always be a commercial pop end to the Comedy Industry, however it is a shame that there is such a lack of alternatives. I don’t blame the venues / promoters – it is a great business model for them. Why should they risk their own money when they can get the artists to guarantee the costs for them? But who is advising artists to enter into these deals? Their Agents and managers? Why aren’t they demanding better?

I worked in the music industry for years as a promoter, manager, agent, tour manager etc. No one in the supposedly evil music industry would recommend that their artists risk putting themselves into such ridiculous debt. Pay to Play has been hounded out of the music industry for good reason and it has no place in Comedy either. How can you expect a comedian to be happy and entertain when they have a potential £12,000 invoice looming over them? There is evidence that Acts and the smarter agents, particularly of developing acts, are getting wise to these deals and are increasingly looking for alternatives.

The growth of the Free Shows offering an alternative to forking out loads of money to do a show is proof of this. Also in 2012 The Stand, who keep their costs down so that they can offer good deals for artists based on profit splits and cheap tickets for punters will be growing by taking over the Assembly buildings.

But why haven’t more venues picked up this baton? Why do smaller venues continue to offer the same artist crippling deals as the Big 4 (should that be the Notorious 4?) And why do artists accept this? There is a rason why The Stand has consistently great line ups at the Fringe. they offer artists a proper deal. Come and join the good guys!

THE NEW FRINGE
In 5 years time the fringe will have turned upside down. (Just like the music industry has over the last few years). The big four will increasingly become the X Factor / Pop Idol commercial end of comedy. Tanking acts that already have a TV profile and Fame seeking aspiring acts who will continue to Pay to Play at their venues hoping to get noticed. Many acts that take this route will continue to run into debt and fall by the wayside and the lucky few will be put on the industry conveyor belt and groomed for the increasingly bland TV that by now will potentially be fighting a losing battle against online innovations.

As an Alternative to this there will continue to be a rise in Independent venues, promoters, agents etc offering artists sustainable deals that help them find and build their own audience in a more cost effective way. This type of promotion has to consider the needs of the artist and what the punter wants to see instead of simply force feeding them more of what they already have got. It also enables Artists to really connect with their own audience and mean that they will see a higher proportion of box office receipts.

THE ALTERNATIVE FRINGE EXPERIMENT
Alternative Fringe is an experiment. Instead of sniping at the current system from the sidelines we are doing something ourselves. We are making a statement. We want to see a more sustainable system for Artists and Punters. An alternative to the fame academy that the fringe is increasingly becoming. An alternative to pay to play venue deals that put artists in debt and directly leads to charging punters ridiculous ticket prices.

We do not charge artists rent, there are no guarantees or hidden costs. We simply take a fee of £1 per ticket sold. We keep our costs down so that we can offer punters the best ticket deals in Edinburgh. Alternative Fringe Shows will be just £5 per ticket, with membership and other discounts.

RECLAIMING THE FRINGE
Edinburgh Fringe has become the largest arts festival in the world, attracting huge stars and TV names, it has grown beyond a fringe and become a commercial festival. ALTERNATIVE FRINGE @ THE HIVE is aiming to put the excitement back into Edinburgh!

Let the big 4 have their Commercial Festival, but let’s reclaim the Fringe!
ALTERNATIVE FRINGE @ THE HIVE
www.heroesof.com/fringe/

Gig with Eddie Izzard and Feeling Doolally

This was the week that was
On Wednesday I was in South Africa and foolishly de-climbed Table Mountain
On Thursday I took an economy flight home with very knackered legs, they even offered me a wheelchair when we changed planes at Dubai
On Friday I did a gig with Eddie Izzard at Pull The Other One Comedy in Herne Hill (although I went to their club in Nunhead and was late)
I think I fell in love with Eddie Izzard’s tour manager
Martin Soan and I closed the gig with some impromptu Greatest Show On Legs Nonsense

I took two night busses to get home and was taking the short cut across Mile End Park as I have done maybe hundreds of times…
I woke up the next day with a huge lump on the back of my head and was feeling doolally…
I assumed that I had fallen over due to my wobbly Table Mountain legs.
But the aching ribs the sore jaw the marks down my back. It must have been one hell of a fall.
At 2pm I remembered that I had been beaten up by a group of youths.
Oh dear. Concussion is a very odd thing, I had it numerous times when I was a jockey and a few times since. I am aware that it can play tricks on your mind but I am certain I was beaten up by a bunch of blokes in dresses and lipstick…
I think I was beaten up by an Eddie Izzard vigilante squad?

SOME PRESS IN AUSTRALIA:

“MORE than just a comedy act, Bob Slayer took us on an unorthodox, improv journey into his outrageous psyche…” Sunday Times (Perth) FULL REVIEW
“British Comedian has had his Perth Fringe shows cancelled after he was drunk on stage and carried off by security guards…” Western Australian
“They came, they saw, they rooted a goat…” Coober Pedy Dusty FM
“A sheer explosion of comedy…” Roxby Downs Sun
“Alternately very crude and endearingly shambolic… love it” Rip It Up
“Shambolic comedic genius…” Peter Goers, ABC Radio (Adelaide)
“Bob Slayer is the embodiment of Fringe entertainment, and love him or hate him, he’s flying home soon. Give him the send-off he deserves!” Adelaide Tweet FULL REVIEW

Bob Slayer Peter Goers Radio Show ABC Adelaide

When I was in Australia I did a radio interview
Here it is:
BOB SLAYER ON PETER GOERS SHOW – ABC RADIO ADELAIDE

We discuss Goats and Heroin and other stuff…

Back in the UK – what happened in Oz?

Goodbye Australia it was a rollercoaster ride but what really happened?

I was banned in Perth because I am an Idiot…
I was promoting my show Bob Slayer will outdrink Australia by being as outrageous as possible at every opportunity. It was working, shows were selling out, I had great press and reviews but after my second solo show I got a little too excited / emotional… I did a midnight slot in the Spiegeltent and was beyond incoherent and sloppy, half the punters went with it, the other half appeared to hate it. I ended my slot wrapped in a sleeping bag lay on the stage and was carried out by bouncers. I really thought that they were playing along with the banter until one of them put me in a head lock! Due to WA’s strict licensing laws was not allowed back into fringe venues. $4000 of cancelled tickets was not so much fun but then nor was $2000 fine for pinching a Burlesque ladies bottom… It was time to hit the outback with Jimbo and Gary the Goat… 
Review of second gig by Sunday Times

In Adelaide my shows were cancelled because of one…
My promoter, who shall remain nameless cos he is an uptight little Celt, decided to use what happened in Perth to try and control me and steer me in what he felt was an ‘acceptable direction’. This involved preventing me from using “Banned in Perth” to promote my Adelaide shows or even talking about what had happened in Perth. I was forced to hide details and was left trying to promote an outrageous show without being outrageous. It was even suggested that I promote myself on the caravan in the shopping mall in front of families, hardly my target audience! So I started to make my show all about breaking these rules on stage. I was particularly determined to break rule no 2 which stated that I shouldn’t get arse fingered on stage (which relates to an incident in Edinburgh last year and which I also pointed out was surely a subsection of rule 1 that I shouldn’t touch ladies!). When I was told that all press releases needed to be approved I sent out au unchecked press release about three fringe girls coming to the show and acting like spoilt brats and surprise surprise I got kicked out.
Chortle.co.uk coverage of banned in Adelaide

This in itself was not a problem, I don’t blame them for wanting to kick me out, I firmly believe that we all should “Do whatever we like, but don’t expect someone else to pay for it.” I am an idiot and a liability and I would kick me out if I was running a venue. (I am running a venue at Edinburgh Fringe and I haven’t decided if I will let me in). What I did have a problem with was the attempt to control me after my shows had been cancelled. Fortunately this failed and I was able to accept the offer to move my show to the Tuxedo Cat.

Tuxedo Cat – Goodbye Australia Show
I ended my time in Australia with a near two hour show in front of lovely people at the Tuxedo Cat. Two of the people, that I met along the way, even videoed the show. Which I may cut with the 10+ hours of footage I shot on the road with Jimbo and Gary The Goat and make a DVD, provisionally titled “Banned in Australia – I am a very naughty Boy” (suggestions for a better title greatly recieved just post them below)

I have done longer extended shows before but never quite like this.

The first hour was maybe the closest that I have ever been to being like a proper comic? For the most part I was doing something I rarely do, standing in front of an audience and just telling them stories about my time in Australia. I hardly went to my props at all. I don’t recall pulling in the audience that much either. Well apart from putting a hot girl in an XS T-Shirt and jousting her earrings. It was still very loose, I got distracted, got lost and had to find my way back to stories. I’m also worried that I didn’t tell them about the three Tasmanian guys? Oh and it certainly lacked a proper conclusion. But then again what is my conclusion on Australia? I think I will need to work out a lot of issues before I will know that. And that is exactly what we started to do for the second hour! 

At the end of the first hour we passed the hat around and, the audience voluntarily gave me $10 per head. We then moved into the DVD extra stories and it got dark! The majority of folks stayed and watched as it disintegrate into a self indulgent, twisted, therapy session as an increasingly drunken fat man struggled to deal with everything that has been thrown at me (rightly or wrongly) for the last month and a half.

Thank you for those that stayed to the end. Thank you to Elk, Peter Goers producer, who had kept quiet while we discussed him but introduced herself at the end. (She also sent me a note saying she thought the show was the funniest thing she had seen in years despite the graphic pictures it painted – I love her!). A really big thank you to the lovely people who felt they had to leave when I got far to honest about the 17 year old and her strap on, but waited for me in the bar to explain that they had really enjoyed it up until then and that bit just got too dark for them. That was a lovely and kind thing to do.

Thank you to Eric from the Sea for your extended Character Reference when I had issues in Perth (which might appear hear at a later date) and thank you for fixing up the show with Cass from Tuxedo Cat. Which leads onto a huge thank you to Cass herself for the beautiful lifeline that you threw me.

“Freedom should includes the Freedom to make Misteaks…”

Australia – Adelaidetweet.com nice words that made me cry

Bob Slayer is an English comic who has an eminently Fringe-worthy approach to humour. Bob Slayer is the Fringe – the outer boundary of it at times… His stand up routines are coarse, rude, outrageous and full of great off-the-cuff gags and spontaneous high-jinks and inebriated carry-on. Sadly, it seems that Bob has become a little too larger-than-life for the promoters at the Adelaide Fringe to cope with, leading to the Austral’s management cancelling his remaining gigs at that venue, leaving this multi-award winning comic (I’ve seen him – he’s hilarious!) stuck for a venue to play.

Enter my good friends at Tuxedo Cat – who have provided Bob an opportunity for a final Adelaide show in their Blue Room on Saturday, March 3rd at 9:45pm. The show itself is free, but Bob will be passing a hat around to top up his air fare home. This is a double opportunity… one for both Bob’s detractors and his supporters. If you’re a member of the former group, dig deep into your pockets and make sure he leaves! If you’re a member of the latter (as I am), buy Bob a beverage and chip in some dosh to say “Thanks for the laughs and wild times.”

For those who forgot, the Adelaide Fringe is all about providing arts and entertainment for the rest of us – for Johnny Punter who has neither the cash or the predilection to see high-culture Arts events from the program of the Adelaide Festival of the Arts. The duty of Fringe organizers is to provide entertainment for everyone, but also to respect that not all entertainment will appeal to all people.

Bob Slayer is the embodiment of Fringe entertainment, and love him or hate him, he’s flying home soon. Give him the send-off he deserves!

Jeremy Huppatz

See it here with a pretty picture

http://adelaidetweet.com/blog/bob-slayer-banned/

Australia – Banned Bob Goodbye Gig @ Tuxedo Cafe this Sat 9:45

Bob Slayer got Banned…
BUT Just when I thought the whole comedy world was going to cast me out for being a liability…
I have been thrown a lifeline by Cass @ The Tuxedo Cat

This Saturday 3rd March 9:45pm
BOB SLAYER SAYS GOODBYE AUSTRALIA (I am a very naughty boy)
@ Tuxedo Cat, Blue Room (199 north terrace)
FREE GIG – there will be a hat for Bob Slayer’s repatriation Fund!

Also there is great $10 bucks curry and vegi option plus Little Creatures Beer (and other drinks!)
1 Hour show (with after party til late!
(My flight is at 6am and I will drinking through)
One Night Only

Come along and find out why Bob Slayer was
- Banned from Perth Fringe (http://au.news.yahoo.com/thewest/entertainment/a/-/entertainment/12817458/festival-banishes-comedian/)
- Banned from Austral Fringe in Adelaide (http://thejohnfleming.wordpress.com/2012/03/01/malcolm-hardee-award-winning-fringe-comedian-bob-slayer-too-outrageous-for-australia-banned-from-adelaide/)
- Thrown out of Roxby Downs Leisure Centre
- Loved in Coober Pedy!

BOB SLAYER PRESS IN AUSTRALIA:
“Alternately very crude and endearingly shambolic… love it” Rip It Up
“MORE than just a comedy act, Bob Slayer took us on an unorthodox, improv journey into his outrageous psyche.” Sunday Times (Perth)
“Shambolic comedy genius…” ABC Radio (Adelaide)
“if you like your comedy wild, exciting and debauched then Bob Slayer is definitely your man..” Drum Perth
“British Comedian has had his Perth Fringe shows cancelled after he was drunk on stage and carried off by security guards…” Western Australian
“A sheer explosion of comedy…” Roxby Downs Sun
“They came, they saw, they rooted a goat… Magnificent” Coober Pedy Dusty FM

FAQ
- Hang on wasn’t he Banned from the Adelaide Fringe? The Fringe itself is an open access festival… With various promoters… I was banned by one of these promoters: Ha Ha comedy who promote at the Austral as part of the fringe… But Cass at the Tuxedo Cat has offered refuge and redemption like the church of yesteryear…
- Is this just a press stunt? Oh man when you come along and find out what actually happened in Perth to get me banned (which had a knock on effect here) and how much money it cost me (current estimate $7500 and still counting) you will know that it is not!
- Why did you get banned in Perth? why Did you get banned in Austral? – look if you want to find this out then you are going to have to come along for this one off special gig which will reveal all – it will make you laugh so hard that you will wish you were wearing a nappy x

BOB SLAYER WILL OUTDRINK AUSTRALIA / GOODBYE (I am a very naughty boy!)
Sat Night @ Tuxedo Cat blue Room. 9:45
The ultimate unscripted alternative comedy hour.
It’s wild, it’s liberating, it’s pure anarchy. Hilariously drunk and deranged rock & roll tour-manager turned Edinburgh Fringe Award winning comedian. Wilder than acts he has toured with (Iggy Pop, Snoop Dogg, Grinspoon, etc.). No rules, no limits, no refunds!
“A gifted ability to work up top class gonzo story based material at an alarming rate… And move on from it just as easily…” BBC

This will incorporate Bob Slayer’s full Australian adventure
- including: banned in Perth, touring the outback with a goat, hanging out with the proper locals in Coober Pedy, making wine in Mclaren vale, homeless in Adelaide, banned in Adelaide Etc – and a conclusion that will make you weep.
Prepare for the most exciting and hilarious one off show of the fringe… qwarr
(well maybe after Sanderson Jones gig – seriously that will be special buy your ticket off him for march 22nd)

TUXEDO CAT
The home of Alternative comedy and cabaret at Adelaide Fringe and the upholder… Defender of Idiots!

PRESS STUFF
www.bobslayer.com/press/australia

See Bob Slayer’s Blog for more back story and chuckles
www.bobslayer.com

Australia – Goodbye

Yesterday I wrote a Blog that was a kind of catch all response to the people who don’t like what I do… To show how I only want to entertain in a unique and challenging way…

The blog was self obsessed, provocative and spun to get attention. It was intended to be about the weirdness of improvised freewheeling gigs with no boundaries, about unexpected outcomes and I passed it on as a gonzo review, an observation, on how people can perceive and respond differently to the same event…

It certainly was not a complaint… How could I possibly complain?
I am an irresponsible idiot and a drunk who aims to push and provoke at every opportunity in order to create mayhem, events and stories… My shows are regularly adversely (and often positively) effected by audience members and indeed myself – I encourage this because although the wheels can fall off it is also where some truly unique and wonderful experiences can be found. But it seems that my attempts at creative risk taking have taken too many of these risks with other peoples money…

Unfortunately other people have seen the blog as – a complaint about the folks involved. As bringing the fringe into disrepute. As the last straw in a line of issues that I have created over here that has broken the camel’s back. None of which it was ever meant to be and I really did not intend for this to cause anyone issues. Sorry.

My Adelaide Fringe shows at the Austral have now been cancelled (which was certainly an unexpected outcome for me!) and it seems that the only option left open to me is to go back to England to become a Tube Train Driver…

Australia – the blog that broke the camels back

When you use a bold claim as your show title such as “Bob Slayer Will OutDrink Australia” then you’re likely to attract some interesting and lively audiences. I have had people turn up barely able to stand through the drink. Or others refuse to buy a ticket until I downed a pint that they have thrust into my hand. All of whom have been a pleasure to perform for and we have had some amazing gigs. Last night approaching the half way point on the run, (appears to now be the end point!) I had my first stinker on the late show.

If you were going to have a bet on who would be the biggest problem in the gig then I think that most people would assume that it would be the drunken water pump fitters from Tasmania? Three brothers one of whom had just got out of hospital after an operation to have a brain tumor removed and so they were knocking back large jack Daniels and coke to celebrate. But it wan’t them, they were great fun. So who was it? I mean it wouldn’t have been the nice couple? No. Or the venue bar staff who came in after their shift? Nah they have been before and are super. Surely the most unlikely punters to cause problems in a gig would be the three girls who claimed that they worked on the fringe? Would it?

They certainly meant well, it was nice of then to offer to flyer up the street and in the pub before the gig and I am sure it was nothing to do with them that every other night I have managed to pull in up to a dozen last minute extra folks whereas last night not even ones who had enquired about buying tickets made it into the room. That Oddly also included ones that were still in the venue from my early show.

At regular intervals in the hour leading up to the gig the girls re-confirmed their intentions to come to the gig along with all the reasons why they shouldn’t pay to get in. It could probably be summarized thusly: “Don’t you know who we think we are?” and in retrospect would have been best replied with: Well I think that they were three girls that had they been coming to a drunken stag and hen night gig in jongleurs from hell then they would still have been the most annoying people in a 13 mile radius.

I walk into the gig room to start the show and two of them are on stage screeching into the mic. The other is taking photos. After some banter and wrestling the mic off them they sit in the front row but with their back to me repeatedly asking the other few audience members the same inane questions that they think stand up comics should ask an audience. They are certainly living up to the no rules ethos and creating a challenging start to the gig.

Then one of them falls off her chair. The other unplugs my mic lead. And the third one is ordering more drinks that they mostly seem to be spilling. When a gig like this happens sometimes my way of dealing with it is to stand back for a little and conduct the carnage. But I also got my dartboard out and got naked. Why not? I mean it’s not as if the gig could get any worse is it? So why not have people throw darts at me with only a half sized dartboard as protection. The venue manager even joins in and has a go throwing one from the back of the room.

Then one of the fringe girls is on stage again grabbing the microphone, it’s ok she only wants to be involved. Her friends tell me that she is normally really shy when she isn’t drunk. The venue manager tosses me some gaffer tape. I ask her if she would like me to make her a designer outfit. She obliges and i wrap her up and lie her down announcing the worlds newest escapologist. She gets out and shortly afterwards all three of them leave the gig to a round of applause.

Strangely and significantly no one else has walked out. So we have a chat about what has just happened, the Tazi boys tell me that they don’t want their money back and buy me a drink. The nice couple tell me they are going to come back and see a show which doesn’t have the wheels falling off it quite so much. I do a couple of stories, we wrap it up and go for a drink together. The nice couple tell me that they over hear the girls moaning about the show In the bar to anyone who will listen with no mention of their own “most un-fringe like behaviour”.

Now just as a only a bad workman blames his tool it is also true that only a bad comedian blames his audience and I want to make it clear that it wasn’t the three girls fault that this gig disintegrated. I certainly only have myself to blame. After all I was the one who let them in.

UPDATE:
after this blog the fringe at the Austral decided that I had caused them too many problems with Adelaide Fringe and was a liability… Consequently my shows at the Austral have been cancelled.
See more here – Goodbye Australia

Australia – Homeless

Last night, I was walking home across an Adelaide park at 4.00am and I just could not walk any more, so I crashed under a tree and went to sleep. I woke at 9.00am to the sound of monkeys. Ad someone flown me to Borneo in the night? It turned out I was next to Adelaide zoo.

The sun was already starting to roast and I was so hot all I could manage was to roll into deeper shade. It only got hotter and around midday just as I thought I was going to be found there as a dedicated husk a man with a push chair left the path to come check on me. “Water please” was all I could manage. He handed me a babies bottle and I sucked greedily at the teat. I tried to hand it back to him but he didn’t seem to want it. I managed to stagger out of the park at and get to the nearest air conditioning to cool down which, appropriately enough, was at the hospital. They also do the cheapest breakfast in town.

The man whose house I should have been staying at – Matthew – is coming to my gig tonight with a blind date. That is very brave I think, especially as he has told me a great story that I will repeat to the audience. Here it is:-

A couple of Christmases ago, he is wandering up to the bottle shop and he meets two girls. He gets chatting and invites them back to his house. He has intimate relations with one of these girls and then, the next day, they tell him that they live in a care home.

He drops them off and foolishly gives them some cash. The next he hears about them is in the local paper.

It seems, with cash in their pocket, they do not go back to the home. They go out on the lash. And one of them is found dead. Murdered. (Not the one he got intimate with.) The next thing is the police turn up to question him. They ask him to let them know if he hears from the other girl, as they are worried about her.

A couple of days later, he is driving along and sees her in the street. He stops, picks her up and takes her home. He chats to her and she agrees that he should ring the police. They come around almost instantly, which surprises Matthew, but not when they handcuff the girl and tell him that she did the murder.

So I am living with a guy who diddled a murderer.

I met a murderer once at the premiere for the movie Killer Bitch, which I introduced at the Curzon Mayfair cinema in London. The so-called Black Widow did 28 years for murdering three husbands and claiming on the insurance. While inside, she was Moors Murderer Myra Hindley‘s hairdresser.

On the week she got out of jail, she married a man that she met on day release.

The Killer Bitch premiere was full of assorted hoodlums and fighters including Stormin Norman Buckland – bare knuckle boxing champion of England – and, taking up the entire back row, a motorcycle gang that kills Hells Angels for fun. In-between was the football hooligan that Donal McIntyre put away, fighters, gangsters and assorted criminals.

My opening line on stage was “You are all a bunch of poofs!”

I have never raced to the punchline so fast… which was that they were poofs compared to the lovely old man who had married the Black Widow on the week of her release from prison.